


Wearing Another's Stripes

by Thinker6



Series: Slaughterhouse Nine Power Taylor [4]
Category: Worm - Wildbow
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Superheroes, Supervillains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2778596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thinker6/pseuds/Thinker6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taylor Hebert triggers with the Siberian's power. Her father, Danny, helps her come to terms with her new condition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Danny Hebert woke and sat up in his bed. He felt good, refreshed. Ready to take on the world. He looked at the glowing red numbers on his bedside clock. Five thirty AM.

Oh. That explained it. Almost five hours of sleep. More than any night in the last two weeks, ever since he stopped taking his medication. His body was telling him that he needed to rest, that he couldn't keep punishing himself forever. Taylor told him the same thing, too, told him he needed to go back to the sleeping pills. But he couldn't. It was for her sake. _She_ didn't sleep, not anymore, and she _needed_ him.

He stumbled out of bed and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, then made his way to the living room. He switched on the lights in the hallway as he went - it was only two months after they made their deal with the PRT, and he still wasn't used to the layout of their new home.

Taylor was where he had left her last night, sitting on the couch and staring at the dim glow of the television. She was slouched over in her loose black dress, arms limp at her sides.

"Hey kiddo. Good morning." he said. He leaned over the back of the couch and gave her a tight hug, letting his face brush against the black-and-white striped curls of her hair. Her skin felt cold to the touch - an illusion, he knew. In his mind's eye he still expected her to have the warmth of a flesh and blood body, not the room temperature of her new black and white form.

"Good morning Dad." Taylor said, her voice a soft whisper. She didn't do anything else to acknowledge him - didn't move a muscle, didn't move her unblinking yellow eyes from the tv. That was intentional. Too much movement on her part for a simple greeting would be _wrong_ , a violation. Even doing the voice gave him a queasy feeling in his stomach. But Taylor had told him it was what she wanted, that it made her feel a little more human.

The tv was showing cable channel 122, "Parahumans Channel 3 (international affairs)". The anchors of the news program were discussing some kind of scandal in the Phillipines. 

"More cape stuff?" he said.

Now Taylor moved - the faintest twitch of the muscles on her face, a half-blink of her right eye. That was a 'yes'. Even now, after two months of practice, he almost missed it. He only detected it thanks to the information she sent him with her power, the mental link she used to share her senses.

"Anything interesting?"

Another twitch near her right eye - another 'yes'. Ever since Taylor got her power she had become a cape geek, spending all her free time learning about capes and powers in a quest to become a hero. Danny joined her when he could. He didn't like the thought of Taylor getting into cape fights, but after what her power had done to her life, he was thankful that she still felt she had a bright future worth striving for. 

Danny reached out through the mental link to move Taylor's body to the side, making room for him on the couch. He sat beside her to watch the news.

The tv was showing a high-security cell that held the villain of the day, codenamed Suklam. Apparently his power was dangerous enough that the Phillipines weren't willing to risk trying to execute him, and they were instead negotiating with Canada to send him to the Birdcage. It seemed that Suklam had a regeneration power with a reactive defense that retributed for physical damage by inflicting _social_ damage. As the son of a politician, he had used his power to ruin the lives of his father's political opponents. He started fistfights with his victims and let them beat him up, knowing that each punch they landed on him would cause their closest social ties to be permanently twisted against them - parents disowning them, business partners abandoning them, spouses and children falsely accusing them of crimes to get them sent to jail.

What made it a scandal was that the authorities sent their best team of heroes against him before they understood the full extent of his powers. From what the tv anchors were saying, the results had been ugly. The one survivor of the mission was imprisoned in an asylum, in an undisclosed location to protect her from death threats from her family members.

Danny shuddered. It was exactly the kind of villain he was afraid of. One with the power to shatter families, who could take away the one thing that kept him and Taylor sane. The love they had for each other.

"Taylor. You're thinking about how to fight guys like that? The real monsters?"

A half-blink of her right eye.

"I don't like it. It's not just about you, Taylor, I know you're tough. It's other people who could get caught up in a fight and get hurt. If you went up against someone like that guy...imagine if you tried to catch him, if you accidentally hurt him and triggered his power..."

A twitch around her left eye, this time. A 'no'.

"Yeah, you could use your power to protect him, but what if he took you by surprise? One mistake is all it takes."

Another twitch of her left eye.

Danny wrapped one of his hands around hers. "I know, they _say_ you're immune to everything, and you believe it. But I think you _want_ to believe it. I'm not a cape expert like you've become, but I know that there's always a stronger power. They said Alexandria was invulnerable, then you broke her finger during their tests."

Taylor twitched both her eyes together, this time. An ambiguous response, not a simple yes or no. Danny could guess what she meant. She didn't want to talk about it.

"It's just...one day you'll run into something that hurts you, and I won't be there to help you."

Taylor didn't respond. She could have typed him a message with her communicator, the sensor rings on the fingers of her left hand that she could use to painstakingly spell out a message. But they both knew it wouldn't make a difference. They had had the same conversation a dozen times and the result was always the same. Taylor wanted to be a hero even if she had to risk her own life. Dany went along with her, supported her, made their deal with the PRT...but that didn't make it eat at him any less.

Danny sighed. "We don't have to talk about it. Do you want to watch more tv, or do you want some breakfast?"

A pause, then a slow twitch at her right eye.

"Okay. I'll get us the usual."

Danny stood and went to kitchen. At the same time he reached out through her mental link and stood up Taylor, walking her into the kitchen behind him. It was humiliating for her, he knew. Her power had given her an invulnerable body but robbed her of the ability to control it, not beyond the faintest twitches of muscles on her face and hands and a faint hissing sound from the back of her throat. The only way she could move was by extending her link into his mind, letting him share her senses and operate her body like a puppet.

It was disturbing how easy it was, his mind smoothly splitting to control two bodies at once. After the first week it became second nature. As he gained skill at moving her body more naturally Taylor slowly became more comfortable with the situation. After the PRT rigged up the communicator that let her spell out messages by flexing her fingers, she told him that she would much rather have his help and live a halfway normal life than to be stuck as a statue forever. 

The part that still gave them trouble was controlling her power. The offensive part of her power made her body a deadly weapon, ripping apart any matter she touched. To let her sit on the couch, walk on the floor, or even wear her clothes, he had to constantly extend the defensive part of her power over all of the surfaces she touched, granting them her body's level of invulnerability. He was getting better, though. In the first weeks they had put a sizeable dent in the PRT's expenses budget, but it was three days since they last destroyed a piece of furniture.

Breakfast, at least, was a well-practiced routine. Danny got milk and fruit out of the fridge and began slicing the fruit into pieces. At the same time he had Taylor open the cabinet to get the bowls and the cereal. He moved her hand slowly across the selection of cereal boxes, letting her pick the one she wanted. She twitched her fingers as her hand passed over her usual choice, the extra-sweet cinnamon Tooty Fruits. 

Danny suppressed a wince at her insanely sugary selection. Ever since she got her power she had developed an incorrigible taste for strong flavors, as sweet or salty or savory as she could get it. A taste for quantity, too - it was common for her to eat an entire box of cereal for breakfast, then follow it up with enough sandwiches to use an entire pound of cold cuts for lunch. More dings to the PRT's budget.

She wasn't hungry, he knew. She no longer felt simple animal _desires_ anymore - no need for food, water, or air. Her body never changed, any food she ate was simply annihilated.According to the doctors she could survive indefinitely at the bottom of the Mariana trench, or in outer space, or in the center of the sun, if she wasn't limited by their mental link to stay within a mile of his location. But she still had a basic need for sensation, for stimulation to remind herself of her humanity, to make hersef feel _real_ again.

Danny put the fruit on the table and sat the two of them down at the table, across from each other. He had Taylor pour herself a bowl of her sugary selection, then pour a second bowl of more healthy corn flakes for himself. 

"Thanks, Taylor." he said.

"You're welcome." he had her whisper.

Small, pointless chit chat like this was safe. It gave the two of them a sense of normalcy without violating Taylor's sense of self, without forcing her to say things that she might disagree with. These days the only things he heard from her lips were the inane phrases she allowed him to plant there - 'Good morning Dad, thank you, you're welcome, I love you Dad, love you too, good night.'

Danny sighed. "Well, let's eat."

He started on his food and had Taylor dig into her own, careful to have her eat slowly so she could savor the taste. While her right hand handled the food, he put her left hand flat and limp on the table so that she could use her communicator without interference from his commands to her body.

"Any plans for today, kiddo? They want you to go on patrol with Tecton, but that won't be until three in the afternoon."

It took Taylor more than a minute to type her response. With five rings, one on each finger, it took three to four twitches to choose each letter. The device read the letters aloud as she chose them.

PHO.WELD.

Danny smiled. "Weld again. He would be awake at this hour too, wouldn't he? You're making new friends every day, Taylor. I'm glad."

Taylor twitched both eyes at the same time. Mixed feelings. She probably didn't like the hidden implication that she hadn't been capable of making friends as a normal girl in high school, that she was only making friends now because she got superpowers.

"Well, he's a nice guy, isn't he? He'd like you even if you didn't have powers."

Taylor twitched both eyes again. Danny sighed. He did his best for her, but after what happened to her in high school, it would probably be years before she could trust in people who called themselves her friends. Or trust in people who called themselves her parents, and were supposed to protect her...

Five bowls of cereal later (four of them for Taylor), they finished breakfast. Danny cleaned up in the kitchen while he walked Taylor into her room and logged her onto her PRT issue computer.

> Welcome to Parahumans Online Chat Client  
>  (Accessibility mode)  
>  Assistive input device detected...enabled.
> 
> # Enter user name: eurytides  
>  # Enter password: **********
> 
> You are logged in as Eurytides (verified cape, Wards)
> 
> # status Weld
> 
> Weld (verified cape, Wards) is online and has been idle for 53 minutes. Was last seen viewing thread "After the debacle: what now for Philippines?"
> 
> # open pm Weld
> 
> Requesting private chat with Weld (verified cape, Wards)  
>  ...  
>  ...accepted.
> 
> Weld: Hey Eury, whats up?  
>  Weld: Just doing paperwork here.  
>  Weld: Since 2 am. It never ends.  
> 

Danny sat Taylor still in her chair with her left arm limp at her side, letting her use her communicator without interference.

>   
>  Eurytides: global news
> 
> Weld: Yeah. Thats some ugly stuff.  
>  Weld: Really a nightmare.  
>  Weld: We've fought Master class capes in Boston but none had permanent effects like that guy.  
>  Weld: Worse than Heartbreaker in some ways. His power spread through social ties without a range limit. Hit heros family members living in other continents.
> 
> Eurytides: plan next?
> 
> Weld: Hmm?
> 
> Eurytides: ideas ? foam ?
> 
> Weld: Oh. You want to brainstorm ideas in case a villain like that appears here?
> 
> Eurytides: y
> 
> Weld: Youre right. A PRT team with containment foam could trap him easily.  
>  Weld: Obviously you cant attack him directly.  
>  Weld: The problem is you dont know his powers in advance.
> 
> Eurytides: we safe
> 
> Weld: Not sure about that. My power protects me from Masters but I dont know if it stops powers like his from tracing my social connections.  
>  Weld: Same for you. It could be very bad for you given how your power works.
> 
> Eurytides: min force rule
> 
> Weld: Yeah. Another reason for the doctrine of minimal force. Easy for you since your power is so good for clean captures.  
>  Weld: Im jealous. I cant chase perps at full speed since I cant make them invulnerable to being hit by six hundred pounds of metal.
> 
> Eurytides: ty
> 
> Weld: This is unrelated but have you heard the newest single from Bad Canary?  
>  Weld: Im supposed to be immune to her power but I still think she sounds amazing.  
>  Weld: You liked the last one I sent you, right?
> 
> Eurytides: n  
>  Eurytides: y
> 
> Weld: Oops. Sorry. Thats no to hearing the new one and yes to liking the last one, right?
> 
> Eurytides: y
> 
> Weld: Heh. Ill send you the new one.  
>  Weld: I cant believe she hasnt been picked up by a major label.
> 
> Eurytides: ty  
>  Eurytides: no sellout
> 
> Weld: Yeah its probably better this way. No one to make her change her sound.
> 
> Weld (verified cape, Wards) wants to send you the file 'badcanary-033.mp3'. Accept?  
>  # y  
> 

Danny puttered around the kitchen, most of his attention on Taylor's conversation. It was nice to see Taylor like this, chatting with a friend about music. She hadn't been that open with anyone since Emma in middle school.

He called into Taylor's room. "Want me to put the music on now?"

Taylor twitched her right eye. Danny used her right hand to operate the computer, grabbing the file and putting in the media player.

> Eurytides: ty  
>  Eurytides: nice song
> 
> Weld: Just be sure to pay her for the song on her website.  
>  Weld: If shes going to stay indie she needs the support.
> 
> Eurytides: ofc !
> 
> Weld: Heh.  
>   
>  **PHO Admin: PLEASE STAND BY FOR EMERGENCY ALERT.**  
>  **PHO Admin: Endbringer attack predicted to hit the city of Boston, Massachusetts, USA. Leviathan, ETA 20 minutes.**  
>  **PHO Admin: Residents of Boston and the surrounding suburbs are urged to go to the nearest shelter immediately.**  
>  **PHO Admin: Residents of the following areas are urged to evacuate the vicinity of Boston:**  
>   
> 

The PRT smartphone on Taylor's desk was vibrating, giving off an insistent wail at twice the volume of its usual ringtone. Danny ran into the room and picked it up. A woman was on the line, a faint Canadian accent in her voice.

"Hello Mister Hebert. We have an urgent call for your daughter's services. Leviathan is expected to attack Boston in twenty minutes. Per our agreement we're sending a hero your way to provide transport. He should arrive at your house in a few minutes. We are grateful to you and your daughter for your lifesaving work today. Thank you."

The line went dead. Danny collapsed to the floor, his head in his hands. He had always known this day would come. Their agreement with the PRT for Taylor's accommodations meant that Taylor had to fight in Endbringer battles. But he had hoped it wouldn't be so soon. Taylor was tough, but against that monster, she...

He blinked. Through Taylor's eyes he saw what she was typing on the screen.

> Eurytides: gl weld  
>  Eurytides: c u soon  
> 

"Oh, Taylor." he said. He stood and hugged her, so tightly it would have hurt a normal girl. Then...he felt guilty about it, but he couldn't hold back his emotion. He stood Taylor up and had her hug him back. For a long moment they embraced in silence.

"I love you, Taylor. I...I don't want you to get hurt." he said, his voice wavering.

"I love you, Dad." he whispered with her voice.

A sound at his side. The artificial voice of her communicator.

ILL.LIVE.

"Do you have to go? We could...we could say no. Give up the PRT funds. I could get a job again, one that pays enough for what you need. We could..."

I.NEED.THIS.

Danny deflated. Of course. It was her tenacity, her spirit to persist, that he had tried to encourage ever since she got her power. Always trying to make a positive contribution even in her situation. He couldn't take that away from her.

Taylor continued typing, long minutes passing as she composed her message.

SMILE.DAD.  
I.GET.TO.BE.A.HERO.

Danny closed his eyes. He forced himself to put a smile on his face. He put a smile on Taylor's face, too, tried his best not to make it too artificial. Then he opened his eyes and hugged her again. Feeling it through both her senses and his own, trying to engrave the dual sensations in his memory in case she never came back.

Then the door buzzer rang, and they had to part. Danny went to the front door, making Taylor follow behind him.

At the door was a tall figure in golden armor, a faint trail of smoke rising from his jetpack. Hero, one of the Four, the greatest heroes of the Protectorate. 

"Mister Hebert, good to see you. I'm sorry I can't stay for tea this time, but we're in a bit of a hurry." He turned to Taylor. "Are you ready to go, Eurytides?"

Taylor twitched her right eye.

Danny was grateful for Hero's politeness. He was one of the good ones, the ones who treated Taylor as a _person_ and not as a tool. After Taylor got her power the doctors had spent weeks trying to convince him that Taylor was gone, vanished, that _he_ was the parahuman. That the Taylor in front of him was a construct created by his power, that Taylor's half-blinks and twitches were nothing more than quirks of his subconscious mind. They showed him videos, said that Taylor only made the twitching movements when he was awake, that she went still and silent and unresponsive as a statue whenever he was asleep.

He had put his foot down. She was _alive_ , damn it. They were disgusting vultures, trying to convince him that she didn't exist at the time she needed him the most. Taylor had already suffered enough. They had lost Anne-Rose because of a stupid mistake, using the cell phone at the wrong time. Then Taylor had lost control of her own body because of his own failure to connect with her, his failure to confront the bullies and make her school life safe. He wouldn't fail her again, no matter what it took. So he told the doctors to shove it, told them that he and Taylor wouldn't cooperate with the PRT unless they acknowledged her as a _person_ who made her own decisions, unless they rigged up devices to let her communicate and gave her a psychologist to help her work through her issues and keep herself sane in her prison.

The doctors were better, now, but from the way they spoke it was clear that most of them didn't believe him, that they were just humoring him. Especially the pompous Dr. Souther who helped with the powers testing - whenever he saw that smug smirk he wanted to bust his face in. Taylor had been angry too at first, reacting to the doctor's presence with a low hiss and twitches in all of her fingers at once, the faintest hint of forming her hands into claws to rake against the man's face. But Taylor had told him to forgive the doctors, that her dream of being a hero was too important to let some random asshole with a Ph.D. get in the way. So he made himself tolerate the doubters and press on, for her sake.

And now she had come so far in her dream. She was going to fight alongside the Four against an Endbringer, to protect millions of people from the disaster. The greatest service a hero could give.

Taylor typed a last message on her communicator.

WISH.ME.LUCK.

Taylor vanished, her clothes falling to the floor in a pile. Danny felt their shared sensations fade, felt her mental link with him disappear.

A black-and-white striped shape flickered into existence next to Hero. It was a woman, probably thirty or forty years old with a boyish cut to her hair, short and stocky instead of Taylor's tall and gangly frame. A body created from Taylor's new mental link with Hero, the shape of a woman Hero had once loved in his civilian life.

Danny swallowed. "You'd better bring back my daughter in one piece."

Hero nodded. "We'll do everything we can to protect her. But with her level of power, I think we're the ones who'll need protecting."

Taylor moved to Hero's side, wrapped her arms around him so she would be carried with him in his flight.

Danny picked up her communicator rings from where they had fallen in the pile of clothes. He tossed the rings to Taylor and she caught them, held them tight in her palm.

"Good luck, Taylor. Stay safe, and..." He stopped. He was still focused on _his_ worries, his fears that she would get hurt. Slipping into the same trap as the doctors, thinking of her as his own little puppet. He needed to support _her_ , her own dreams and desires. So he stopped himself, let out a breath. Forced himself to smile and started again.

"Stay safe, Taylor, but show them what you're made of as a hero. And if that Endbringer comes after you, give 'em hell."

Taylor _winked_ , right eye closing all the way, the corner of her mouth lifting up in a small smile. Then Hero's jetpack let out a roar of flame, and they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen Taylor-as-Manton stories, but as far as I know this is the first Taylor-as- _Siberian_ story. She gained the Siberian's 'power' to be a phantom projected from the minds of others. Unless you believe the PRT researchers who say that _Danny_ is the parahuman...
> 
> Eurytides is a genus of butterfly. Many species have black and white stripes.


	2. Bonus Crack Chapter

Doctor Mother blinked and tried to focus, coming back from her clairvoyant surveillance.

"Notepad." she said. She needed to take notes while it was fresh in her mind. She had been able to read the Simurgh. Better than she should have been. The Endbringer was trying something.

Nothing appeared in front of her. "A computer will do." she said. She looked to her employees. Doormaker; Two six five, the Clairvoyant; and Teacher's gifts, Screen and Scanner.

Two six five was pointing at a figure in front of her desk. A boy made of metal, giving her a fixed, determined glare, a six foot sword in place of his right arm. An intruder.

"Ah." she said.

"Ah." he said. "Yes."

The Doctor cleared her throat. "Weld, leader of the Irregulars."

"Yes. Let's have a _discussion_."

"Very well. Would you like some tea? Coffee?"

"I don't really drink. Besides, I'm not alone."

A mass of tentacles around his shoulders writhed, revealing a pale woman's head. She stared at the doctor, a mess of conflicting emotions on her face.

The Doctor returned her gaze levelly. "Ah. You must be one of ours."

The woman flinched as if she had been slapped. "You don't even know my name?" she demanded.

"That's Garotte." Scanner piped up from his seat. "Weld plus Garotte. Weldarotte."

"Don't call me that name!" said the woman. "That's what they called me when I...when I was a villain. I've grown past that, now, with the help of my friends."

The Doctor cleared her throat again. "Is there a point to this? I'd like to return to my work of saving the human race from extinction."

A girl flickered into existence next to Weld, black and white stripes covering her skin and hair. She spoke in a soft whisper. "But you're still holding back. Information, troops, portals. You're hiding something in this facility."

"That's Eurytides." said Scanner. "Weldarotte plus Eurytides, that makes Weldarottides."

"I'm aware." said the Doctor. "Do you intend to ransom your help in exchange for our secrets?? Order your Irregulars to hold back and let Scion destroy humanity unless we tell you what you want to hear?"

An organic mass wrapped around Weld's lower body shifted in place. The doctor realized that the mass stretched on the floor for more than ten feet behind him, like a massive waist cape. Another woman's face appeared from the mass of flesh, haggard with black bags around her eyes.

"No." said the new woman. "We're going to fight Scion anyway. But first you're going to tell us everything you know. Then we're going to make you suffer, for making us like this."

The Doctor squinted at the new woman. "Echidna. So that's where you got off to. I'm glad to see you're looking better than the last time we met. I'm afraid that your fate has more to do with the Simurgh than with us, however."

"Weldarottides plus Echidna makes Weldarottidechidna." chirped Scanner.

"Scanner, stop that." snapped the Doctor. "We're having a serious conversation here."

"But it's a four cape combination!" said Scanner gleefully. "They just need one more to make a cape Voltron!"

The papers on the Doctor's desk fluttered into the air and scattered, whirling around Weld as if they were caught in a windstorm.

"Custodian, please. I appreciate your help but the situation is under control for the moment." said the Doctor.

Eurytides cleared her throat. "That's Wanton. One of the Chicago Protectorate."

There was a pause.

"He's not one of ours." said the Doctor.

"Wanton says he came because he has a strong sense of justice." said Eurytides. She paused. "And he says its definitely not because he has a crush on your Custodian."

The telekinetic whirlwind stuttered in place for a moment, then went wild, thrashing back and forth across the room and sending the rest of the papers on the desk into the air.

Eurytides flickered in place, changing forms to a different girl's body but still covered in black and white stripes. "Oh, get a room, you two." she said.

Scanner was cackling to himself. "Yes! Weldarottidechidonton! Weldarottidechidonton! The anti-Cauldron Voltron, awesome!"

The Doctor turned to scold him, then thought better of it. There was no helping it. One of the many drawbacks of Teacher's habit of recruiting ten year olds. She turned back to Weld. "I repeat, is there a point to this? If you attempt to disrupt our operations, Contessa will eject you."

Weld shook his head. "No, we made a deal. My Irregulars said they'll only fight if you're punished for your crimes. Contessa offered us _you_ , in exchange for our cooperation. She'll be taking over Cauldron in your place."

The Doctor blinked. "Ah. I...suppose I should have been expecting that." 

All those years Contessa must have been planning it. Keeping her around as Cauldron's figurehead for decades, all in order to turn her into a perfect bargaining chip to offer to Cauldron's enemies to get them on her side. Ungrateful. The Doctor sighed. One of the many drawbacks of being recruited by a ten year old.

"If that's what it takes to raise our chances against Scion, I'll accept it." said the Doctor.

"So you're giving in? Just like that?" said Weld.

"As I told you, we always expected that we would have to sacrifice our lives to win this war. Although..." the Doctor paused. "I'm still an ordinary human, but I have a number of formulas that grant powers with a chance of hurting Scion, at the cost of a high risk of extreme deviations."

"Like us, you mean." said Echidna, an edge of anger in her voice.

"Yes. I don't suppose you'd give me a chance to drink the formula. I might be able to help the war effort, and volunteering to join the ranks of your...deviants might go some way to redeeming myself in your eyes."

"We won't let you off so easily!" snarled Echidna. "You did this to hundreds, _thousands_ of us."

"True, but think of the possibilities. I could get laser tentacles, or get arms and legs with fifty six joints so that it's impossible for me to move. Or my head could swell up to fifteen times the normal size, with organs to secrete lighter-than-air puss inside of my skull so that I float up into the atmosphere like a grisly weather balloon. Ooh, or if I'm really lucky I might even turn into an immortal living mass of rat tongues and raw sewage forced to taste myself for all eternity."

"You're sickening. You-wait a minute." said Eurytides. "You sound almost...excited. You're saying that this whole time you've been a deviation-lover? That you have an inhuman morality that makes you see human bodies as weak and digusting and 'deviant' bodies as something to be cherished? That all this time you thought you were doing us a _kindness_ by warping our bodies like this, bringing us closer to your twisted ideal of perfection? That the only reason you've held back from transforming yourself for decades is your overwhelming determination to preserve your organization in order to save humanity? In short, that your life isn't a simple case of villainy and evil, but a pitiable, tragic tale of body dysphoria, of forbidden love forever deferred for the sake of a greater cause?"

The Doctor thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"


	3. Bonus Crack 2: Crack Harder: Side Story: The Story of Scanner

Miguel Herida always wished he could have superpowers. _Real_ powers, not the lame ones that Uncle Teacher kept giving him all the time. The adults in charge were calling him "Scanner" now because Teacher gave him a power for reading surface thoughts, but he had been called all sorts of names before, like Swift and Antipode and Node and a dozen others.

It wasn't _bad_ being Scanner, really. He got to be a Very Important person doing a Very Important job, helping the Cauldron boss lady use her all-seeing cape to spy on everyone in all the worlds.

But he always wanted to go on adventures by _himself_ , like the stories Mom used to tell him when she put him to bed in his bunk. She only ever got to go on one _real_ adventure but it was a really big one. He had heard her tell the story so many times that he could re-tell it word for word. Mom's adventure story went like this:

> The Story of Mom's Adventure
> 
> Mom worked with her mother and father and all her brothers and sisters in a big car parts factory in Cuautitlan Izcalli. Everyone was happy until the city government passed laws about foreign investors that made the factory shut down. Everyone lost their jobs! Mom cried all night long and prayed to God. Then when the sun rose she saw a heavenly light. God came down from Heaven and spoke to her and gave her superpowers, and told her to set right all the wrongs in the world!
> 
> So then Mom snuck into the abandoned factory and worked for thirty days and thirty nights. When the bad men came to reposess the factory, Mom was there to greet them with her Seraph and her host of Ophanim and her army of self-replicating Heavenly Angel Soldiers! She said the looks on their faces were priceless. Then she sent out her army to help the poor misguided people of the city, to make them see the light. She caught the bad reposession men, and all the representatives who voted for the bad law, and all the people in the districts who voted them into office! She got them all gathered up to send them to Heaven to reflect on their sins.
> 
> Then the bad 'heroes' came. They blew up all Mom's soldiers and smashed her Ophanim and trapped her inside her Seraph and defused the failsafe device that was supposed to let her escape to Heaven and bring all the sinners back into the loving arms of God. Then they locked her up and sent her down into the Birdcage to live with Aunt Ingenue.

That was what a real adventure was like! Mom made it seem so real, acting out the story with the Peacebots she built to electrocute the bad neighbors when they broke Aunt Ingenue's rules. 

Miguel wanted to have adventures just like that, but without lame part at the end where the good guys lost and got sent to jail. Every time Mom told him her adventure story he made her promise that when she broke them out of the Birdcage she'd march right back into Cuautitlan Izcalli and beat up all the bad guys for real, and she'd build him a Seraph Mark 2 so he could help beat them up too. She always smiled and said he was a brave boy and promised him she'd do it. But when she made the promise she sometimes got a sad look in her eyes and once she even started crying! That just made him want to break out even more. He told Mom that when they were done fixing up her old city she should build him a super combining robot like the ones in the tv cartoon shows so he could beat up all the mean 'heroes' for making a nice lady like Mom cry. Mom said he was a sweet boy.

Mom said that a lot. She said he was the light of her life, a candle lit in the darkness. He wished he was still the light of her life, or _anyone's_ life, really. But last year Mom got in a fight with a nasty lady from another cell block and died. Aunt Ingenue sent him to live in the men's side of the Birdcage with Hans, who Mom had told him was _probably_ his father. So he had to live with a bunch of creepy guys who mostly ignored him, and with Hans, who didn't pay him much attention either because he was always busy with 'tasks' for his boss, Teacher. And Hans made him call the boss 'Uncle' Teacher, which he didn't like to do because Teacher wasn't _really_ his Uncle. Yeah, Aunt Ingenue wasn't really his Aunt, either, but she was super cool instead of mostly lame like him.

But now, a year later, he finally had a chance to have an adventure. The Cauldron lady let him out of the Birdcage along with all the other people who worked with Teacher. He got to see the earth and the sea and the sky for the first time, just like on tv. He got to be a Very Important person in Cauldron by being Scanner and reading minds, which was kinda lame but was still way cooler than Hans who had to be Screen and absorb the boss lady's headaches and mostly just groaned all the time. And he got to help fight the biggest bad guy ever, the Scion who pretended to be an angel but turned out to be a devil in disguise.

And best of all, he had _real_ superpowers now! It happened just like Mom told him in her story. Three months after he moved to be with Hans he was feeling really sad, because he didn't like Hans and Teacher and their neighbors, and he wanted to see Mom again, and the ghost that the ghost lady made out of Mom's body never wanted to talk to him, and the special Peacebot that Mom left behind for him was breaking down so it couldn't hug him and tell him stories anymore, and he couldn't fix it back to normal because the lame Tinker powers that Teacher gave him weren't good enough anymore. So he prayed to God, and God came down from heaven and spoke to him and gave him superpowers. And because he was so faithful to God and promised really hard to be righteous, God gave him what he was _sure_ was the _best power ever_.

**Because he had the power to create Voltrons!!!**

The weird thing was that no one believed him! When he told Hans and Teacher about his new power, Teacher told him to build some Voltrons from spare Tinker parts in Teacher's workshops. Well obviously those Voltrons weren't any good! He kept telling Teacher it wouldn't work. Voltrons are five part super combiners that are meant to be amazing changers of history. A dumb boring workshop where you're building stuff for lame reasons like 'testing powers' - that's a sure way to get Craptrons, not Voltrons. 

That was one of the Rules that appeared in his head, the rules he had to follow for his power to have its full effect. The Rules of Voltrons.

The first Rule of Voltrons is that Voltrons are awesome!

Voltrons don't sneak up on the enemy. They announce themselves, loud and proud, assembling on the field of battle one by one! They come at the precise moments when history is in the balance, when a super combining warrior of justice can have the biggest effect on the world, fueled by the fighting spirit of the righteous ones who believe in its cause. The bigger the audience, the more important the battle, the bigger and badder the Voltron will be!

And it was no good for him to put Voltrons together himself, with his own two hands. That was another rule:

The second Rule of Voltrons is that Voltrons aren't made with your hands, they're made with your _heart_!

A true Voltron isn't simply a construct of metal or flesh or energy beams. It can be made of almost anything. What matters is that its five super aspects are cool and awesome and dedicated to the common purpose of kicking evil butt!

Or kicking _any_ butt, really. The Rules didn't say the butt had to be evil, he could kick any butts he liked. Which was a little odd, not what he had expected from the cartoons on tv. But that didn't matter. He was a righteous person so he would only use his Voltrons to kick unrighteous butts.

He got his first chance to make a _real_ Voltron an hour after he started working for Cauldron. He was in the network with the boss lady and Hans and the all-seeing cape, spying on everyone everywhere. 

Then it happened. The boss lady's bodyguard snuck up next to him and smiled at him and whispered in his ear that he should try using his power to make a Voltron come into the Cauldron base to convince the monster capes to fight for justice. That was weird, because he never told any of the Cauldron people his power, but the bodyguard winked at him just like Mom used to do, and said that God told her! That was a sign that it was a super important moment of history, and when he checked he could feel it through his power, that the time was ripe for a Voltron to inspire the masses.

So when the boss lady was off doing something else, he convinced the all-seeing cape and Hans to let him do some spying on his own. He reached out with his power and found them, the five righteous people with different but awesome super powers who could unite to optimally achieve his goal. They satisfied all the Rules, the first rule and the second rule and all the other one hundred and twenty six rules, even the weird ones about energy-mass ratios and conserved quantities in social dynamical systems and other things he didn't really understand. And then he used his power to pull the Voltron together...

And it was _awesome_! They teamed up to form the Voltron, Weld plus Garotte plus Eurytides plus Echidna plus Wanton, together forming the noble **Weldarottidechidonton**! The Voltron gave a speech to the monster capes, drawing on their righteous dreams and fighting spirit to fuel its power. Then it sneaked through portals into the Cauldron base, and dramatically introduced its parts one by one just like on the cartoons, and kicked out the old boss lady so the cool bodyguard lady could take her place, and then rallied all the monster capes behind it and went out together to beat up Scion. His Voltron totally kicked butt!

But now it was four days later, and he could see it wasn't enough to win. His first Voltron had been smashed into pieces. The only parts left were the black-and-white striped Eurytides, fighting on the front lines and flickering into new forms after every one of Scion's attacks, and the flesh blob Echidna, making hundreds of monster clones with unstable powers that were being thrown at Scion like bombs.

The new Cauldron boss lady was coordinating everyone to fight together on a team - the normal capes and monster capes and hive-mind capes and goblins and ghosts and fungus clones and mechanical dragons, all working together - but it still wasn't enough to stop Scion. 

So he decided this was it. He would use his power for a last stand, to make the Ultimate Voltron. The new Cauldron boss lady used her power to check if it would work, and she said it wouldn't do any good, but what the hell, they may as well try anything at this point. He told the boss lady that he would do his very best, and by the way, she shouldn't use swear words like 'hell'. She said she was sorry, she was just a bit upset at the continuing destruction of humanity and her power told her that swearing was an optimal form of stress relief. He said that didn't make it okay, but he would forgive her anyway because she was a cool lady like Mom and she shouldn't have to cry anymore. And that made her dry her tears and smile a little bit and say he was a sweet boy. That made him feel like he was back home with Mom again, and gave him courage to use his power for righteousness like she always did.

He went into the network again with Hans and the all-seeing cape and reached out with his power to find the five super warriors who would combine to make the ultimate Voltron to optimally kick the butt of the evil Scion. He felt it forming, felt that it fit all of the one hundred and twenty six rules. He activated his power, and then...

Then the capes who were fighting Scion began to run, screaming, fleeing through portals and dimensional pockets. On the horizon behind them, on the shore of the ocean, had appeared one of the undefeated enemies of humanity, the ones who had long been spoken of in the same breath as Scion. It was Khonsu, the Endbringer.

Scion didn't seem to want the help in destroying humanity. He shot out a golden beam of light, but it was deflected by Khonsu's time fields. Scion switched to a stronger beam but was interrupted by a chunk of metal falling from the sky and smashing into him at high speed, creating a blooming, space-distorting explosion that hid him from view.

The Simurgh dove from the sky and perched on Khonsu's shoulders, surrounded by a floating halo of a hundred satellites pulled from orbit that had been repurposed into an array of Tinker devices.

Miguel Herida, the Scanner, the Voltron-maker, realized exactly what was happening. He broke into a huge grin. 

Khonsu plus Simurgh, that makes Khonsimurgh.

Another golden beam pierced through the explosion, aiming at the Endbringers, but they dodged in unison, suddenly displacing half a mile to the side in an instant. The stack of two Endbringers seemed to stand on the surface of the ocean for a moment, then were lifted up to reveal Leviathan standing beneath them, supporting them on his shoulders. The sea began to churn and lightning crashed from the sky as the gathering clouds poured a deluge of water onto the battlefield.

Khonsimurgh plus Leviathan, that makes Khonsimurgithan.

Scion ignored the storm and shot out a hundred golden spheres of light that sped through the air, homing in on the stack of three Endbringers to strike them from all directions. Before they could strike home, a spray of a hundred metal spears shot out of Endbringers, impaling the spheres and making them fizzle out in a shower of golden sparks. The Endbringer Tohu had appeared, clutching onto Khonsu's chest, its three faces showing the three capes whose powers it was copying. The most powerful hero Eidolon; the ghost lady from the Birdcage, Glaistig Uaine; and a girl who was stretching out her spindly arms to touch an array of floating metal swords, held in the air by the Simurgh's telekinesis.

Khonsimurgithan plus Tohu, that makes Khonsimurgithanohu.

Scion fired another volley of golden spheres, this time splitting each sphere into scores of lasers. But the earth itself rose up between Scion and the Endbringers, shimmering and warping as it did, turning into a massive metal barrier to block the shots. The fifth Endbringer, Bohu, rose from the ground. She was lying _horizontally_ , her one thousand three hundred feet of height stretched out between the Endbringers and their enemy, surrounded by a mass of constantly shifting and transforming earth and metal that gave her the form of a massive tinkertech gun pointed directly at Scion.

Khonsimurgithanohu plus Bohu, that makes Khonsimurgithanohubohu. 

  


**The Ultimate Voltron, the noble anti-Scion fighter of righteousness, Khonsimurgithanohubohu!**

  


Miguel Herida jumped for joy, split his face open with a grin, and laughed and laughed and laughed. All through the world, through _all_ the worlds, he saw the masses of humanity doing much the same. The millions upon millions of refugees who still survived, watching video feeds with disbelieving and hopeful eyes, the very spirit of _humanity itself_ flowing in to empower his champion to fight in the name of righteousness against the worst of all devils.

The ultimate battle had begun!

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The power to make Voltrons is pretty awesome in any setting, but in retrospect, it is _more_ awesome in the Worm setting.


End file.
